caged birds will fly

Some people see life as a game,

others see it as purgatory,

fewer see it as a great adventure,

sometimes just out of reach.

I see life as a puzzle.

One big piece being love.

I consider love a theatrical play.

We set the stage

we rehearse our parts.

and my greatest fear in life,

the one thing that makes me most anxious

in the short 23 years I've been here

is that when my part comes

I will walk out to an empty stage

and be completely humiliated in

front of

e v e r y o n e.

A relationship being the public stage of my life

the one place where I can't control what the other actor

does or doesn't do.

Where I don't know what will and won't work out.

On this platform I've trusted so few.

Meticulously choosing cast members

and setting up cues.

At first I hold tight to only expecting the worst.

Then some time passes and I feel

that maybe this act is for real

and maybe this other actor is just as scared as I am.

If he has stuck around long enough,

I'll start to unwind and let the roles unfold and develop

as life flows in waves.

I begin to hope and bloom into a

real cast member, I start investing

my heart and soul.

To just scrape the surface,

after 4 1/2 years I ran out to take my cue

and found myself standing alone on the stage.

The thing I've feared the most for so long

happened.

I survived and quite frankly

I was wrong all along.

I was afraid of looking like an embarrassingly silly and naive girl.

Maybe I do look that way to some but so far no one has let me know

and what's so embarrassing about caring deeply for someone?

Honestly nothing.

Loving someone well even if it doesn't turn out as planned

still makes you a beautiful person inside and out.

There's very little loss in loving someone the best you possibly can.

So the next play I star in will be a little less anxious

and a lot more free.

constant

In September my Dad was showing me pictures from their vacation.

Each day he took a picture of the sunrise and during the slide show he said:

And the sun rose on that day too.

Maybe it's where my heart and mind has been lately

but him saying that startled me.

I literally wanted to dissolve then and there.

I have been through the darkest of times lately

and to notice something so simple and so simply taking for granted

really encouraged me.

A constant.

Every good and perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of lights

with whom there is variation or shadow due to change.

James 1:17

Obviously my Dad has no idea how dramatically that statement affected me.

{in}dependent

I learned something new about myself today.

My life is in the midst of some chaos totally out of my control

but for the first time in years I am independent.

I find a lot of comfort in that.

I realized I'm much more comfortable with change

when I'm independent.

Then I realized

I am my fracking grandmother.

{This is finally a good thing in my eyes}

changing pace and direction

Things for me have changed directions

so rapidly and frequently the past few months

my heart has had a serious case of whiplash.

What can I say without saying too much?

I'm really excited with everything I was able to do this year.

I grew in a lot of ways.

I had the amazing opportunity to pour full time attention

into my passion.

I didn't get very far and I wobbled all along the way.

This opportunity has closed up for now.

I need to work

and focus more on family oriented things.

Because of this I had to give up volunteering weekly

which was the hardest.

In addition my machine has gone to sewing heaven

so I will be unable to produce any bags

until I manage to get another or am gifted one (!!! Wouldn't that be spectacular?).

I hope to be apart of creating awareness for those in need

all around us everyday.

How ridiculous is it that people go hungry in this nation?

This absolutely boggles my mind.

While I can't be a resource for everyone

I encourage you to look around online for opportunities

in your neighborhood.

It isn't difficult to get plugged in

and it is something that will bless you as much as

it helps those in need.

Sign up for your local rescue mission's newsletter!

Host a food drive in your neighborhood!

Help collect coats for those less fortunate this winter!

Ask the guests of your holiday parties to bring canned goods!

I mean seriously why not?

I know in everyday there are MANY distractions and it's easy to forget

about everyone except the person in the mirror.

But here's what I'm learning to be true:

Life, it goes on, with or without you.

Get involved in the triangle:

Feed Raleigh Full

This food pantry needs help!

Tirnanog is hosting a benefit concert for RRM on Oct 28th at 10pm

(bring canned goods or donations!)

Get involved elsewhere:

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

Also try looking up your cities food banks and rescue missions.

Wake up! Do something worthwhile.

busybee

I've been busy.

lofi

I took this before going to a luau themed party last night.

My real camera has once again wandered off.

Recently I've learned:

- My gentleman prefers blondes

- Maxi dresses are an effective man repellent/birth control. Is this universally true? Do all men hate "homeschool" dresses?

In my experience it seems to hold true.

- Free sushi is a rip off. Should've known.

- Never go home early, you might just miss your friends doing the chicken dance on stage.

bee arr bee etsy

flower mash the store is on a little break due to a few technical difficulties.

The store will be back soon with brand new bags!

So go make some pretty grilled cheese like I did the other day.

I'm still trying to figure out how to do a tattoo post without it being too risque.

What if my Grandma sees this y'all?